Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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