you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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