How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
