ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
