You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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