You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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