Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
