is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
