Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
