Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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