don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can