Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life