I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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