i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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