you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
