Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
