Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
