I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
