A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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