sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
