I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
