there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
