I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
