I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
