I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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