her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
