i already hear my dad disowning me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how drunk are you?
Several
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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