Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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