i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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