I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
