Do you still have your period?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
