you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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