I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize