He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
