Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
