Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize