she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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