Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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