yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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