when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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