he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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