I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
