I just saw a hot homeless man
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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