I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
