Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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