Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
