You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
