wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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