Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
