cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
