I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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