Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
