I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
