i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
