And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
