Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
