My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
