Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
