this just has baby written all over it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
