Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
