at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
