too bad you live with your parents still
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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