You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
