I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
