$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
