I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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