I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize