Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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