I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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