thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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