so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
