Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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