Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
