she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize