i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
