there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
