the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I believe in your delicious
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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