How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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