Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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