omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
