He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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