Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry

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(502): View more from Kentucky

guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...

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(706): View more from Georgia

we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.

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(904): View more from Florida

I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...

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(949): View more from California

how did we start talking about space blow jobs?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.

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(206): View more from Washington

The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.

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